I'm still single at 27. While it may not seem like my life is over yet, this also means I've gone an embarrassingly long length of time without establishing a traditional human romantic relationship.
Maybe part of my problem is that I describe the entire ordeal as if I am an alien observer watching from my UFO. However, without applicable proper participation in such events, how else am I supposed to envision it all?
Within the past year, I decided to embark on some adventures in online dating. These obviously did not go very well, since it has been a year and I am still single.
I find the entire process demeaning in every way. First, I am supposed to work to lure someone in while making my personality seem as attractive as possible. This usually ends up with me trying to downplay anything that makes me "different" - or as I would describe it, interesting. I've dulled my personality down into a new form of bland and pleasing for the masses.
After I do this, and browse other profiles- it becomes clear that I'm still not qualified. Whereas I'm looking for a general someone with a mind fascinating enough to want to include in my everyday life and activities, it becomes clear other people have a longer list than I of what they want in a mate. I haven't even met these people, and I've already been rejected. First I'm reading a profile and things seem great, until I find that they are angry about vegetarians (I am one). Or immediately, they want someone with a college education or higher... I dropped out of college, and have never had any desire to define myself by my career, or work long hours. I'm not a deadbeat, I have an office job, I do it well, I'm self-sufficient, but I am not the least bit passionate about my work, nor is my job title particularly impressive-sounding. I don't desire to have a career that stresses me. This automatically negates the rest of my personality to a large chunk of people I would have been interested in.
I always thought that human relationships were more complicated. That the entire process of falling in love involved overlooking, or immediately still being interested in someone despite flaws in the beginning stages. The entire process of online dating, to me, seems like people envisioning exactly what they are looking for, and searching for it to a T.
Maybe this works for some people, but it hasn't worked for me. I assumed the entire process of two people coming together into the bond of a relationship and staying together had to do with emotional compatibility, support, rapport, and attraction. Apparently this is wrong.
I've basically just decided to give up on all online dating all together. The entire charade of trying to impress a stranger on a date, like a job interview, has become more than I want to put up with at this point.
I only ever made it past one date with two people. The first saw me again, just to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore. The second acted like he was tremendously in love with me, flew off to another city to work on something, then proceeded to barely contact me via e-mail, until he somehow seemed to forget I existed all together.
I hadn't been that interested in either of them that much anyway. I was trying to think that maybe, even though I hadn't felt an instant spark, a connection would develop over time and more interaction. I was wrong again.
Oh well.
